I am a blogger. I love blogging. I have a personal blog with my name and face and a flickr account with photos attached. I have bloggy friends who cheer me on and do not judge me. I have an audience and get picked up by google for use of several keywords.
I can't blog there any more. That blog has become a place were my MIL, coworkers, and friends check up on me. I can't sit down to write what is on my mind, because I will be forever judged. That space has become a glorified meme-fest.
I have lost my voice.
I am taking back my tongue.
I'm so tired of keeping quiet about:
- The Things I Can Not Say At a Dinner Party.
- I'm trying to have a kid. - I need help, but I need my family to not bug me about it.
- My Mother Is Mentally Ill. She gets to own that and choose when she talks about it. I have to pretend it doesn't exist, so that she can have that control.
- I live daily with depression, insomnia and anxiety.
- I am a Christian. I am also too much of a coward to deal with that in public.
- I doubt my faith in God. Some days.
- I have an advanced degree that I am afraid to use.
I have a very supportive husband, who knows about this space, but has never seen it. I need this space to be for me.